Twilight Parody
by jessicanne
Summary: I don't own a thing. Its a parody. Rated M for swears.
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight, a Jacee4 Parody**

**Bella sits down next to Edward in Biology Class.**

**Edwards stares at Bella for 20 minutes.**

**Bella's looks at Edward.**

**Bella**

What the fuck is your problem? WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME?

**Edward**

I think you'd be delicious?

**Bella**

What? What the hell do mean?

**Edward**

Bella, I need to tell you something.

**Bella**

How do you know my name? STALKER!!! AHHHH

**Bella runs out of biology class screaming.**

**Bella turns into girls' washroom.**

**Bella looks in mirror and sees Edwards face.**

**Bella turns around and stares at him.**

**Bella**

You do know that this is the girls' washroom. Why are you in here, you pervert.

**Edward**

Bella, I need to tell you something, really really badly.

**Edward jumps up and down clapping his hands.**

**Bella**

You freak, I'm not gonna show you my boobs.

**Edward**

NO! I'm ga- I'm a vampire.

**Edwards turns away nervously.**

**Bella stares.**

**Edward**

Are you afraid?

**Bella**

No I have a stake in the backpack.

**Edward bares fangs.**

**Edward**

Now are you afraid?

**Bella looks at fangs.**

**Bella**

Cool. I'm falling madly in love with you. Let's get some lunch

**Edward**

YOU MORON! We cannot be together!

**Bella**

Why?

**Edward**

First because I can't eat lunch. And second I cannot bear the pain of not drinking your blood. And third cause I'm g-ayyyvampire.

**Bella**

But we sit next to each other in Biology

**Edward**

That's why I'm going to change classes, to Shopping for Dummies. I know you won't join that class

**Edward laughs.**

**Bella falls to her knees screaming no!**

**Edward**

Goodbye Bella.

Abra Cadabra.

**A puff of smoke covers Edward.**

**Edward sighs of relief thinking he had transported to the boys bathroom.**

**Bella**

You know that didn't work, don't you?

**Edward jumps in surprise, and begins waving his hand in front of his face.**

**Edward**

You can't see me.

**END SCENE**

Review. I really want to know what you thought.

AS LONG AS THE FOLLOWING SENTACE IS NOT IN IT!

"You suck, Twilight is the best book ever. I can't believe you could mock it.."

I barely own this idea, i just watching the movie, and mocked it.


	2. Chapter 2

Edward flew to Bella's house that night.

"Since there's nothing on at 3 in the morning, I'll just stop by here."

Edward looked into his pockets for some money. 3 cents.

As he took a sharp turn, the money flew out of his hands.

"MY LIFE SAVINGS!", and bashed right into Bella's bedroom window; and fell face first on the ground.

"FUCK!" he cried.

Too loud.

The dog next door started barking.

"OH SHIT!"

He ran and broke right through the door, screaming like Justin Bieber into the living room and hid under the sofa until the barking faltered into silence.

Safe.

He stomped upstairs, "Oh shit, too loud."

He started flying but got distracted, "OOU, a penny, SHINNY!" and broke right through Bella's bedroom door.

He landed on his feet, entering the room quietly...

Until he tripped over a bowling ball, a dead chicken and a crunched up piece of newspaper with a "How to get an abortion" article, falling face first on the floor.

"DAMN, MY FOOT!" he screeched.

Luckily, Bella was absolutely lovely in her Barney footy P.J's, snoring like a high, constipated chimpanzee to notice.

Edward sighed.

He was nearly to the bed when he tripped over a pencil fell face first on the side table next to the bed, knocking the lamp down crashing on top of the computer causing immediate combustion.

Through it all, Bella stayed beautiful, constipating snoring.

"Damn, she's hot."

Bella bolted up in bed, flashed her head side to side, "FINLAND!", and fell back to sleep with her mouth still open.

Edward finally went to Bella at last, right up 2 inches from her face.

He stayed there, bent over 2 inches with the still burning fire of the computer until he noticed the sound of footsteps outside in the hall.

"Shit!" He dove right through the window, crashing on the ground face first, for God knows how many times that day, and flew away.

Charlie entered Bella's room, immediately noticing the hugeass hole in the door, the broken shatters of glass from the window, and the ever still flaming fire of the computer.

"Bella, clean your goddamn room!"


End file.
